6 ways for a stronger connection

What is it that stops us from having a strong connection with other people?  Sometimes we feel really connected to another person (or people) and other times we don’t feel a connection at all, sometimes with the very same person. The difference lies in our thinking, or rather where our thinking lies.

So here’s some examples of when our thinking might be preventing or weakening our connection with others:When our thinking is elsewhere.  For example, perhaps we’re thinking about all the things we’ve got left to do, or about a looming deadline, or that target that’s not yet been achieved.  Maybe we’re remembering or reliving something that happened earlier in the day, or some time ago.  Or we’re fantasizing about something in the future, that holiday in the Caribbean we’ve just booked, that promotion we’re aiming for!  When we’re distracted in our thinking we don’t feel the connection between ourselves and other people.

Other thinking that prevents a connection is how we think about the other person.  When our thinking falls into the category of ‘low quality’ thinking, perhaps anger, frustration, jealousy, irritation, criticism.  That thinking could be about something they have said or done that we have deemed wrong or stupid, careless or thoughtless, criminal even (amongst other things).  Something they have said or done that we judge or criticize and find lacking in some way.  Or the thinking might be about ourself in relation to the other person.  We might be comparing ourselves to that person and finding either something lacking in ourselves or something that elevates us above that person.  We can feel inferior to that person or superior.  Either way it gets in the way of the connection. 

So here’s a few ways to improve the connection between yourself and others:

• Let go of any low quality thinking, whether that’s about yourself or the other person.  Accept the person and yourself for who you are – warts and all.  A human being with human frailties.  
• Be equal to the other person, you are not inferior nor are you superior to others.  We are all equal.
• Stay in the here and now, don’t think about anything that happened in the past, don’t worry about anything that hasn’t happened yet. 
• Focus your full attention on the other person, when you notice your thinking drifting away, bring it back to the other person.
• Focus on what you like about the person – see their positive points. 
• And if you do find fault in the other – think about what might be going on for you, if you had that fault.  That might enhance the compassion you hold for the other person.  Compassion strengthens the connection between you both.  

See our videos and other articles for more information about some of the suggestions listed here.